I Am Sin
by trashraccoon
Summary: He was gross, disgusting, scum, sin. But this was the life Edward had made for himself. The bed he was lying in. Secrets consumed him and Edward was a master of escaping reality by now, avoiding the consequences of his actions. He was nothing but a sinner who desired to rot. Pairings: Elricest ,RoyEd, HeiEd, EdVy, Ed is kind of a hoe.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** I Am Sin  
 _ **By GuroStar  
**_ **Rating:** R-18  
 **Summary:** He was gross, disgusting, scum, sin. But this was the life Edward had made for himself. The bed he was lying in. Secrets consumed him and Edward was a master of escaping reality by now, avoiding the consequences of his actions. He was nothing but a sinner who desired to rot. **  
Pairings:** Elricest ,RoyEd, HeiEd, EdVy, Ed is kind of a hoe **  
Warnings:** Incest, Substance Abuse, Suicide, Rape, Dub-Con, Mental illness, Sex Scenes, violence, language warning. Nothing I'm sure you lot would be new to. Just know what you're getting into okay. **  
A/N:** Welcome to this manifestation of Sin. I need to go to church and cleanse my soul after writing this and if you read it I advise you do that same. This is so awful I love it. I hope you Enjoy. Let me know if you threw your phone, screamed, or showed your friends like "THIS IS HORRIBLE READ IT". Those events would be dreams come true.  
Most common phrase from my early readers: _OH NO_

 _ **Chapter 1:**_ _Disgusting  
_

* * *

 _Love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me._

 _Please love me big brother._

* * *

It was like every other night of his college life. He'd get high, go to a party, get high some more, have sex with a few people, and drag himself back to the dorm he shared with his younger brother; if he wasn't too intoxicated that was.

Edward Elric, most brilliant mind anyone had seen in years, people would say. Edward just scoffed at such statements, looking at the joint he'd lit and thought of the irony. _'Brilliant mind my ass,'_ he'd think as he adjusted the belts hanging from his hips and checked to make sure his eyeliner wasn't smudged yet.

The party was gross. The people were gross. Edward was gross, but he'd fallen into this lifestyle and had nowhere else to go now. The drugs kept him sane, the sex kept him sane, the escaping reality and believing that this life had no consequences kept him sane. Edward was always searching for his next escape. His life was a vanishing act.

"Ed, come up stairs," Two girls would coo to him and he'd keep his blank expression as he followed. He'd let them do as they wanted, pretending to be interested in their cheap lace and alcoholic breath. They'd fuss over him, making sure he had protection; he sure as fuck didn't want to father kids to these strangers.

Edward would leave them in the room, redoing his hair they'd so graciously pulled down. The music was quieter and people were leaving or passing out now. _'I want something stronger..._ ' He thought, not wishing to just smoke after that disgusting, too much saliva and sticky makeup romp session _, 'I think I have make-up on my dick,'_

He'd go to the kid that supplied the weed; thank god he wasn't passed out _. 'Sicko... who brings their little brother here?'_ Ed would think as he bribed the taller blond for something that was better than weed _, 'not even sober enough to tell me the risks of this little pill,'_ But Ed took it anyway.

"Now to get home..." He muttered and stumbled out the door of the sleazy house.

He hated the life he had but like that aunt that wasn't really his aunt once said _, 'You make your bed, now you have to lie in it,'_ God, Edward half wished he'd listened to that old crone now.

It was dark; it was also really fucking late as Edward struggled to get his key into the hole in the door, "Fuckkkk..." He slurred as he dropped said keys.

He was half tempted just to sleep against the door as he bent down and picked them up. Bending down was a bad idea as he struggled to keep the bile from rising. _'Those drugs don't seem to like tequila shots...'_

"Finally..." He managed to get the door open after ten more minutes of struggling, the drugs were starting to kick in and hell he had no clue where he was or what he was doing anymore.

He swayed on the spot and looked around; small kitchen and joint living room, with two doors leading off from that, one to the shared bedroom and one to the bathroom. Edward could only think of throwing up as he stumbled to the kitchen sink.

Alphonse had heard his brother's commotions at the door. He moved swiftly from his bed and padded softly out of the bedroom. Alphonse had now accepted what his brother had become. Dependant on anything that supplied an alternative reality; he was skittish and broken. He would hide away. Alphonse was starting to think his brother was a lost cause; spending long nights drinking and fucking.

He should be used to it by now, but he couldn't stop that burn of anger and disgust in his gut. He longed for his brother. He begged for those childhood days when he could touch Edward without the elder flinching like Alphonse had just raised a hand to hit him, when he could play with his brother's hair till they fell asleep, when he used to steal kisses in the dark because back then, it was okay to love Edward that way.

He longed for Edward, craved that warmth and comfort of his elder brother's body. The body he sold to friends and whores alike but never, _never_ , to his younger brother. Well, not that he knew of anyway. Alphonse had a secret; a disgusting, sinful secret.

Alphonse had settled into a ritual with his life. A boring, exhausting routine. Wake up, hurt, eat, check Edward, go to class, hurt, come home, check Edward was in class, accept that Edward wasn't coming home, hurt, make dinner for two, wait, sleep, repeat.

Lying. He'd become so good at that. _He_ _was fine, no it didn't hurt, he liked the silence, he liked being alone, he enjoyed the emptiness._ Alphonse now stood in the middle of the living room, waiting for Edward to notice him, _'He didn't even shut the door...'_ Alphonse made a note of as his older brother stumbled to the kitchen sink.

"Welcome home brother," He whispered as he shut the door himself, Edward was finally home, his again.

The vomit burned, it filled his nose and mouth and blocked everything out. Edward was crying as he emptied his stomach contents into the sink. There wasn't any solid food, just a mix of alcohol, stomach acid and drugs that came up. Jesus fuck — it hurt coming up.

Panting, he leant against the cold metal of the tap and turned a handle to wash the vile smelling mess away. He cleaned his face and tried to rid his mouth of the taste. He hadn't heard Alphonse before but as he slumped down to the floor, his back to the cupboards, he saw the other.

 _'Sweet little Alphonse... I'm so sorry you have me for a big brother, I'm so fucked up, so messed up, and I'm sin. Nothing but sin in my blood, in my bones...'_ he thought. Edward couldn't get his eyes to focus as he got to his feet and tried to walk around the kitchen table instead of into it.

"Al..." He muttered, his voice still slurred, even if he felt more sober then he was upon arrival, "Did... Did I wake you," Nice Ed, be polite and pretend you're not high and weren't just vomiting in the sink.

"Oh no, I was waiting for you," Alphonse knew he could say anything really, Edward wouldn't remember in the morning.

As expected Edward nodded his head as he stopped in front of his younger brother. Alphonse gritted his teeth as he noted how intoxicated Edward was, _'This idiot's going to OD one day,'_ He had an idiot for a brother and it made him shake his head.

"Stupid," He whispered and reached to touch Edward's face, "You smell disgusting, brother,"

So drunk he couldn't even hear his younger brother demeaning him. As expected, Edward flinched and jerked his face back as Alphonse's hand brushed over his cheek. There was an animalistic growl and Al was worried Ed was going to attack him for a moment; it wouldn't be the first time.

There was a pause and calm returned. Alphonse suddenly thought of what he wanted. He wanted to take advantage of Edward. Press against him and take him in this weakened state, wrap him in his arms. It was sick how desperate he was for his brother's attention. It was probably because he'd been starved of such a thing for years.

Just looking at Edward gave him butterflies, it made him all giddy. There was a far away expression on Edward's face, his golden hair framing his face in just that right way and his tongue was darting out to lick his dry lips. Alphonse let out a shaking breath in response.

Edward was swaying way too much for his own liking. There were little lights dancing in front of his face. There were bugs and dirt on his skin. He could feel them crawling and burrowing. All he wanted was to scrub his skin till it came off. As the elder turned to head towards the bathroom he overbalanced, tripping on his own feet, and landed in Alphonse's waiting arms.

He felt a sudden tiredness and, like that, he was out cold in his brother's arms. He was gross, disgusting, scum, sin. Alphonse stroked Edwards's hair and held the other up to the best of his abilities. He could smell the alcohol on the other's breath as it came out in puffs against his neck. He should be disgusted but... he was so excited to have his breath against him. To have his big and most dear brother against him.

Alphonse adjusted his hold and Edward grumbled as he was half dragged, half carried to the bedroom and pushed onto his bed. Alphonse laid against the other a moment longer than he should have before standing up and swinging Ed's legs up onto the bed. God, he was disgusting.

Edward still loved him, loved him like a big brother should love his younger sibling. Alphonse slid Edward's combat boots off, unbuckled and pulled away the belts around Edward's waist, then straddled the unconscious elder.

Edward made soft noises that mingled with his breathing as Alphonse placed lips on Edward's collar bone. _'You shouldn't dress like such a slut, brother,'_ Al thought and fought the urge to rip at the leather pants and black wife-beater his brother was wearing.

Edward could feel a weight on him, it was warm and he wanted to reach for it, but he was floating away. His limbs wouldn't listen to him, his eyes wouldn't open; he was completely incapable of basic functions as he struggled to piece his jumbled mind together. _'What's going on? Where am I? Who's touching me?'_

Alphonse sat back and looked down at Ed. He was so happy he could touch Edward when he was like this. His small hands ran over Edward's chest, feeling the toned muscles, pausing to toy with his nipples. Alphonse giggled as he leant down to kiss Edward's lips. He tasted like vomit but Al kissed him anyway. He sighed as he not-so-gracefully flopped beside Edward. _'Good night big brother, dream of me,'_ Alphonse thought and cuddled into the elder, _'you won't mind if I sleep beside you... it's not like you'll wake up before me,'_

* * *

It was morning too soon for Edwards liking. The light burned his eyelids and the alarm echoed in his skull. The blonde slowly peeled his eyes open and tried to remember the night before but nothing surfaced. It was with a groan that he rolled from his bed and landed on all fours.

"Alphonse..." Edward whined, hoping his brother was still here as he crawled out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

His skin still felt like it was crawling, he felt so dirty. He wanted to get clean but he hadn't felt clean in so long. He was never going to feel clean; it was just something he'd come to accept. He crawled into the bottom of the shower, still in his clothing from the night before and turned the water on.

He sat under the cold water, shivering, waiting for it to warm up. The cold made him feel more awake, more alive. He sat there, toying with the taps to change from hot-cold-hot-cold-hot-cold just to feel anything before he stood up and started scrubbing, stripping as he went.

Getting the vomit off, the remnants of sex, the dirt, the drugs, _the sin_. His skin was red from scrubbing when he was finished. He stumbled out of the shower, feeling fresh and less gross but internally he still couldn't get himself clean. _'What if I drank bleach?'_ he pondered with a sick grin.

Departing the bathroom, a towel around his waist and dripping hair, Edward searched for something to start getting high on. He couldn't go one fucking day without getting baked. Soon, he had a joint in hand as he proceeded to dry and dress for the day.

"Class is at 1," Ed muttered as brushed his hair back, reapplied his eyeliner and checked the time.

 _'12pm... Al should be back soon,'_ He'd need to finish the smoke before his brother walked in. It wasn't like Al hadn't known, he'd known ever since Ed started doing drugs and smoking. It was just that Al didn't like Ed to smoke around him or to have their dorm smell like the sick parties Ed spent all his time at.

Ed opened the windows and sat on a sill, flicking through a text book. While Al studied medical science, Ed followed their father in more traditional science of chemistry, biology and physics. He was aiming for a bachelors of advanced science when he finished college, not really sure what he'd do with it then. Al at least had worked out that he wanted to become a Chemist. _'I might just do that too honestly…'_

Right on cue there was movement at the door before it opened and an awkward Alphonse stumbled in. He was only awkward due to the fact he was trying to carry books as well as walking with his crutches. Edward moved to help him, putting out the joint and throwing it out the window before walking over.

"Thanks, Brother," Alphonse smiled as Edward took his books and placed them on the table.

"Bad day?" Edward motioned to the crutches; Alphonse only used them when his body ached.

"Ah, it's okay," there he was with the lying again.

The younger Elric had been born with chronic pain in his bones and joints. It only got worse after the accident. Alphonse took pain medication three times a day just to get through, he could go most days just fine but others he couldn't leave his bed — it hurt so much. That same accident had taken their mother's life and two of Edward's limbs; the elder now had prosthetics.

Edward was kind enough to help Alphonse over to the couch and ask him about his day as he made his younger brother something to eat. The conversation was dull and just a silence filler. Neither really cared, they didn't have many conversations or spend time together these days. It left an ache in Alphonse that couldn't be fixed with his medication.

"I'll see you later then," The younger flashed a fleeting smile as he watched Edward leave.

Alphonse was so lonely these days. He may be kind to his classmates and teachers but there were only two people he'd call his friends. He'd always just relied on Edward, but high school was hell for the elder as he further derailed himself; the drifting from each other had begun then.

Alphonse's only friends were Winry Rockbell, the girl the Elrics had grown up with, out in the country, and Fletcher Tringham, a boy in his advanced chemistry class and the younger brother of Edward's drug dealer. They both grew tiring after time though and Al found himself longing for the company of the one person always absent in his life; Edward.

* * *

 **A/N:** opinions and predictions would be much appreciated. [[Throws holy water around]]


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 2:_** _Envy_

* * *

"Stoner!" Edward ignored the yells and insults from people he passed.

 _'Says the one who was smoking at Katie's party last week,'_ Edward rolled his eyes and adjusted the bag hanging off his shoulder. Everything seemed ironic to him these days. Everyone seemed fake. Everyone was hiding something. And Edward knew he was hiding the most, the fakest of them all; a walking joke.

Edward sat at the back of the room, alone, taking down all the notes he could. He may be high but he was still smart and able to understand what the professor droned on about, even mentally correcting him. It was boring, but it was something to do. Work took his mind off things; it was another one of his escapes till he could reach his next departure from reality.

"I expect a completed 2000 word essay on chapter three through to four by Monday," The professor stated and looked up with a smirk, "Then we will be having a test,"

Groans and protests echoed around the room as Edward began to pack up. He knew the professor wanted a word with him but he was planning to skip out before he got the chance. _'Too late'_ Edward mentally cursed as Professor Roy Mustang moved up to Edward, clicking his fingers, instead of waiting at the front of the class.

"I don't have ti-" Edward began but was cut off.

"You do and you will not avoid this conversation any longer," God this man was a cocky asshole sometimes, in Edward's opinion that was, "You never handed in the last assignment I gave the class and you did not collect your results for the one before that,"

Edward grit his teeth as he racked his brain for excuses, "I don't see a point in _collecting_ results, they'll just show up on my end of semester report and as for that essay I had... _medical_ reasons that should have been explained to you,"

"Well," Mustang began, his arms crossed and Edward was internally hating himself for being cornered, "I would appreciate it if you went and collected your results and we arrange some form of make up for that assignment as it was a major one towards your final grade,"

Edward bitterly agreed to whatever the other wanted; anything to get away. He was still angry about being cornered by his professor as he entered his next class. He wasn't sure if he was happy or pissed they were doing a practical experiment today; He would rather just sit and write.

Edward wondered if he should use his ' _disability'_ to get out of class now or just suffer through being in a group of people who thought they were above him. After some internal debate and waiting to find out what they were doing in this prac, Edward decided it wasn't worth sticking around.

Claiming his prosthetics were causing him pain Edward soon departed, people glaring at him because they all knew he was just using it as an excuse to leave. The blond moved quickly down the hallway, hoping he didn't run into a teacher who would question or corner him. Ed could feel withdrawal creeping in and it made him jumpy. He needed to smoke; he needed the calming effect, the escape it provided.

Finally outside and hidden from prying eyes Edward threw his things down and rolled a joint before lighting it up. He let the smoke back out slowly as he felt his body relax and mind slow down. He eventually sat down beside his belongings and tried to not think of much.

There weren't any parties or events on tonight, so he should probably go home and start the essay Mustang set. _'I could probably finish it tonight,'_ Ed decided as he flicked through the Chemistry textbook. His thoughts were interrupted by the vibrations of his phone in his back pocket.

[TEXT RECIEVED 3:45PM] [ALPHONSE] _Brother, why aren't you in class. I got a text from the office.  
_ [TEXT SENT 3:45PM] [EDWARD] _coz my leg hurt  
_ [TEXT REVIEVED 3:47PM] [ALPHONSE] _Stop lying, your leg hasn't hurt in years. Stop lagging. Mrs. Hughes pays good money for us to go to college. You should be ashamed brother. You better be in your next class or so help me I'll frog march you there myself._

Edward scoffed as he read the message. Alphonse could be such a mother hen at times, it disturbed Edward. Guilt has started to set in Edward's gut as he re-read the text. _'My next class starts at 4:30,'_ Ed really didn't want to go back to biology so he figured he'd wait it out here.

"Sup pipsqueak," Edward spun his head around and rolled his eyes as he realised who was now deciding to keep him company, "Skipping class too?"

"Hey Envy," Envy wasn't their real name but Edward wasn't actually sure of their real name, just their _code_ name, "And yeah it's shit so here I am,"

"Nice," Envy sat beside Ed and stretched his long legs out, "care to share?"

Ed passed his joint over and shoved his text book back in his bag. He gave a rather dramatic sigh and Envy responded with putting an arm over the blonds shoulder. Edward honestly didn't want to be touched right now but felt like he didn't even have the energy to shove Envy off.

"Life would be more fun if ya stayed with the gang shorty," Envy mused and passed the joint back.

Edward took a puff and shook his head, "I really don't want to be caught up in that,"

"No one does," Envy laughed as they looked at the tattoo that could clearly be seen through a hole in their jeans, "You were with us and then ya ditched us Pipsqueak,"

Edward just nodded. This gang had started back in high school. Edward used to be a target of the gang; they always beat him up and tormented him. Edward remembered one day after a punch up, Envy had decided they wanted Edward in the gang and, without questioning, it Edward joined. It would mean he wasn't bashed or a social outcast anymore.

He thought it was just a joke; A high school clique. But he soon found out how wrong he was. This was like the gangs he saw in movies or those crime shows. They did drugs, hookers, knife fights, rival gangs, vandalism, and theft. Edward was sure some of them went as far as murder. He was so young; he had no idea how to react as all these facts came to light.

Envy's mother was the leader of this gang. It didn't just consist of the high school kids but adults of all kinds. They all had a code name after a sin or a crime. Edward was given the title of Pride when he joined. Ironic.

"Dante can do your tattoo," The woman with the title of Lust smirked as she looked Edward up and down, it made the young boy uncomfortable.

Edward refused to get the tattoo. There were arguments and Edward was sure he would be beaten into submission but he was left be. It was with this gang that he got his first taste of escape via smoke and pills. It was pure bliss for the blond who had been searching for this for so long.

The first few months were fine. Edward enjoyed their company, the drugs they gave him, the women (and men) they provided, the environment they supplied. Then things started to change. He found himself helping in shop lifting, attacking rival gang members, vandalising public property. Then came the turning point for Edward.

It was over the course of a week the events happened. First he had a bad trip; Edward had no idea what happened other then he hurt Alphonse, badly. Next he was forced into a knife fight; the result was a gash across Edward's chest that left a noticeable scar. Then the last event was the day he thought they were going for a normal shop lift and it became an armed robbery.

Edward honest to god was not ready for a gun to be thrust into his shaking hands and a mask pulled over his face. He didn't remember the whole event he was in to much shock. He remembered Envy laughing when they got out of there.

"Oh pipsqueak, that was the best!" The taller snorted.

"NO IT WASN'T," Edward was mad now, "WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO'S FUCKING IDEA WAS THAT? I DID NOT SIGN THE FUCK UP FOR THIS!"

That was the wrong thing to say as Edward later found himself being beaten by the elder two of their team _._ Edward was coughing up blood by the time they stopped. He was left in the ally and he never returned to the gang. He spent a fortnight in paranoia, he was sure they would send someone to slit his throat while he slept.

"You could take the title of Greed if you join now," Envy reached to touch Edward's cheek but the shorter flinched away.

"Why? Did you kill him or something," Edward furrowed his brow and shot daggers at the other.

"Nah the ass broke away and has started his own gang now," Envy flicked his long hair back, "The fucker has quite the collection of pawns and lives up to his previous title,"

Edward couldn't be bothered replying as he put out his joint. He had to move off to his next and thankfully final class. Envy watched him leave, stating he'd catch up with the other later meaning they weren't going to stop until they had Edward under their wing again. _'Jerk probably wants to get high and fuck again... I knew sucking him off at Katie's party was a bad idea,'_

* * *

"I'm... home..." Edward was exhausted and mostly glad he didn't have an event to partake in tonight.

"Brother?" Alphonse sounded excited as he looked up from his cooking; he wasn't expecting Edward to be home tonight.

"What are you cooking?" Ed flopped down on the couch, loving the smell of food.

"Uh, I'm making pasta," Alphonse couldn't help but smile, tonight might be _normal._

"Cool," the elder flashed a smile to his little brother who was awkwardly moving around the kitchen.

Alphonse put more care into his work as he noted his brother watching him. There were the butterflies again and he made an effort to move around without his crutches for the time being. The younger boy gave a jump when Edward was suddenly behind him, asking if he could help in anyway.

"Uh!" Alphonse looked at the two pots in front of him, "You could drain the pasta?"

Al watched Ed find a strainer and place it in the sink. Alphonse mused that they were a normal married couple as Ed poured the contents of the boiling pot into the strainer. _'Married. I would love to marry big brother,'_ Alphonse hid the sick smile that danced on his lips.

"FUCK," And like that the fantasy crashed down as Edward dropped the pot.

"Brother!" Alphonse rushed over, he was worried Edward was injured, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Edward made a growl, not wanting to but fussed over as he picked the pot up again before snapping, "I'm fine! I just lost the feeling in my hand,"

"Maybe you should lay off the drugs," Alphonse scolded his elder brother as he realised Edward was high, "But I should have expected this,"

And like that all traces of the fantasy Alphonse had before vanished as a screaming match began. _No you're stupid, this is your fault, I hate you._ Edward was slamming a door and Alphonse was crying into the now burnt sauce before pouring it down the drain.

Al transferred the cooked pasta to a container and placed it in the fridge. _'I love you big brother,'_ he wiped his face and waited. Edward would come out soon; Apologise. _Right_? Alphonse got his wish this time as Edward came out of the bedroom and said sorry.

"Thank you," Alphonse felt he had no reason to apologise also, and that cause the anger to bubble in Edward's chest again, "Did... something happen today?"

"Ran into Envy," Ed admitted as he sat down opposite Alphonse at their small table.

"What did he want?"

"He was trying to get me to join the gang again,"

Alphonse frowned at Edward. He knew of the events and activities Edward partook in when he was a member of this gang. He was glad he brother left and would never forget those nights Edward spent cuddled up to him, too afraid to sleep for weeks. Seeking comfort in his willing brother.

"I refused of course," Edward wanted to make it clear he would not get involved with that group again.

"Good," Alphonse sighed and looked around, wishing to change the topic.

"Wanna order Chinese food?" Ed smiled and things felt _normal_ again.

 _'Oh big brother, you are mine... if you joined that gang you would become someone else's and then I'd have to kill someone,'_

* * *

 **A/N:** Do you like this? This chapter was kind of lame. But the next one is going to be amazing so go to church.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3:_** _Daddy_

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** _This chapter is so messed up. This is where we weed out the weak. If you can't handle this chapter you can't survive the rest. [[Lays seductively in the flames of hell]]_

* * *

Alphonse often wonders when the obsession started. He'd like to say he'd always loved his brother like this but that wasn't quite true. There was once a time when all they did was fight and yell at each other. Edward was always beating him up when they were small children. But then he saw what daddy was doing to Ed.

He didn't mean to see it. It just kind of happened. He had a bad dream and wanted to go to his big brother for comfort instead of their mother. He'd gotten to the door and stopped. He knew those sounds, even though he shouldn't. The bed was creaking and brother was crying softly. Alphonse could hear his small, _"Daddy... Daddy please stop…"_

Alphonse peeked into the room. Their father had Edward on his back, legs spread and his large cock forcing its way into the small child. Alphonse felt sick, this was disgusting. He wanted to run back to his bed or to their mother but he couldn't move. _'Big brother's hurting…'_ he thought and didn't realise he was crying. It was that moment that Alphonse fell in love with his older brother; a sick, disgusting _craving_ for his dear sweet Edward.

Alphonse didn't remember getting back to his bed that night, but somehow he did. For days after that all he could think of was his _vile_ father doing that to Ed. He started to notice other things too. The way daddy kissed mummy less, the way daddy kept touching brothers' face, and his hair. He was always asking brother to come and help him with things. Alphonse noticed the way brother jumped when he was touched or how his eyes looked dull in the morning.

Alphonse began creeping into Edward's bed. At first Edward protested and after fighting, forced Alphonse back to his own bed but Edward noticed the nights that Alphonse was with him, their father didn't come into his room. So they slept together from then on. Edward didn't think Alphonse knew and never wanted his younger brother to know what their father did to him or have his _innocent_ little brother feel those dirty, awful things.

Edward had felt dirty since the first time their father forced him face down into the wooden floor of his study. He would never escape the sin and burning hate he held for life after that day; he was just six years old at the time. He couldn't tell anyone, he couldn't do anything but take it. _'Disgusting old man,'_ he thought and wrapped his arms around Al as the younger slept beside him, _'I can't let him hurt Al,'_

* * *

There was a small gasp from Edward as Alphonse pressed his lips to the elders neck again. This just became something they did every now and then. They would kiss and touch for a while. Then they would go to sleep.

Alphonse wanted more but he knew Edward would never give him that. Al avoided rutting against Edward; it always scared his elder brother when things got too sexual. _"Brothers shouldn't do this," "I don't like it when people touch me there," "Al please don't,"_ were the things Edward would say and Al would stop and stay silent. He was just like daddy in this sense; craving his brother and having to keep it all a secret.

Alphonse became really good at keeping secrets. He knew he should have told mummy but didn't know how. How was he meant to say _"Daddy likes to fuck big brother and I want to do that too,"_ He had just turned 7 and those were not the words a child his age should be saying. Not to mention his mother had, while a kind and caring heart, it was also weak and prone to cause her problems if she was under stress or was exposed to a disturbing shock.

"What's wrong Al?" The younger was bought out of his almost trance like state and jumped as he remembered what was going on.

They were getting ready to go for a family trip. It would be their last. Al wasn't meant to know but he heard Mummy and Daddy yelling. They were going to be splitting up. Alphonse didn't want their family to split up; he knew daddy was going to take big brother with him.

"Don't leave me..." Alphonse whispered and Edward frowned.

"I'm not going anywhere Al," He placed a hand on his younger brothers' head, messing his hair up, "you and me forever remember?"

They often said that. Edward didn't know the importance that four letter sentence held for Alphonse. _You and me forever._ It was a promise they had made late one night and Al wasn't going to let Ed break it. He didn't want to leave their mother here alone but if Ed couldn't stay then he wasn't going to either.

"Come on boys," Their mother called from the front door and Edward grabbed his younger brother's hand, pulling him along.

Alphonse couldn't help but be sad as they drove through the country side. His mother looked sad too, but everyone was just fussing over him. Ed kept trying to make him laugh but it only made Al want to cry even more. He looked at his father; he was smiling as he drove along, it was like he didn't have a care in the world.

"Why daddy?" Alphonse couldn't stay quite anymore as they turned onto the freeway.

"Why what?" their father seemed to snap out of his daydream and glanced back at his youngest son.

"Why…" Alphonse didn't know which _why_ to ask first, "Why are you leaving mummy?"

The atmosphere was suddenly extremely tense as their mother inhaled sharply and Edward let out a startled noise, "Al? What do you mean? Mum? Dad?"

"We're sorry boys," Their father didn't sound sorry at all, "We just don't love each other anymore so we decided it would be nicer to go our ways then to stay unhappy,"

"It's a good thing boys," Their mother was crying, "We will all be happy this way, okay?"

"Do you not love mummy because of what you do to Big Brother?" the silence seemed to crush everyone in the car.

The mother looked from her husband to her eldest son, realisation and horror crossing her features. Edward looked at Alphonse, tears streaming down his face to find his little brother knew his secret. Their father turned and looked at Alphonse, it was hard to work out if he was angry or petrified. Alphonse however was watching as a truck came towards their small car, soon colliding with the front passenger seat side. The crushing weight of the silence and truth was soon inflicted on the family in the most horrific way.

* * *

 _"Get him in here!"_

 _"He's losing too much blood!"_

 _"We're going to have to amputate!"_

 _"Poor kid,"_

 _"The mother couldn't be saved,"_

 _"We've done all we can for the younger one,"_

* * *

"Al?" His mouth tasted of blood and his voice was barely a whisper when he awoke.

The room was so bright; it took so long for the child's eyes to adjust. At first he thought he was dead and that this might be heaven. Then he realised it was a hospital room. _'Why am I in hospital,'_ Edward thought as he turned his head to the side.

He observed the cards and flowers placed on a table beside him. He looked to the window, the sky was a clear blue and the clouds looked to soft. Edward felt heavy as he turned his head to the ceiling. _'Why am I here? Where's Al? Where mum?'_ As he tried to sit up, Edward felt his world crashing around him for the second time in the past two weeks.

"M-My arm," With wide eyes he looked to his right shoulder, "My… leg…"

There was nothing but bandages around stumps in place of his limbs. He was shaking as memories came flooding back. Then he was screaming and nurses were rushing in. _'MUM! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? WHERES AL?'_ People were touching him and he was frantically trying to push them away.

"AL! ALPHONSE!" He began calling, "WHERE'S MY LITTLE BROTHER?"

"He's right beside you! Please calm down! You'll open your wounds again!" A nurse said as softly as she could.

Edward shot his head to the other side. There was a bed beside him and upon that bed was his poor baby brother. Edward started crying and was forced back into his own bed as he tried to get out. Alphonse looked barely alive. He was hooked up to so many machines and there was a constant beep as his small chest rose and fell. There were bandages all over his body as he lay upon the blankets instead of under them.

"Do you remember your name?" The nurse asked once she had Edward calm enough.

"Edward Elric…"

"Do you know why you're here?"

"There… There was a car accident,"

"You've been in a coma for two weeks," the nurse answered his un asked question as she checked his vitals, "does it hurt anywhere,"

"Everywhere…"

"I'm not surprised," She knew the boy was currently in shock and all the things he would soon learn wouldn't help, "From the report I read you threw your own body over your younger brother… he'd have been killed too if weren't for you,"

It took a moment for the words to register in Edward's still slow mind, "wait… too? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

The panic was obvious and the nurse hadn't meant to expose that information to this child just yet, "I'm sorry… your mother didn't survive the impact,"

Edward was choking on nothing. His ears were hearing but his brain was not listening. He didn't want to know this information. He was looking around the room, searching for some sign that this was a joke. A dream that he was going to wake up from soon, he'd be in his bed and Al cuddling him as their mother walking in to tell them she'd made waffles.

But that wasn't going to happen. This was real and happening. The nurse asked if he would like a moment alone. He nodded and she said she would return with some food. Edward was to in denial to cry right now. He placed a hand on his shoulder stump and looked over to Alphonse.

He couldn't take seeing Alphonse like this. He wanted to see Al awake, running around and laughing. Not hooked up to machines, struggling to breathe and wrapped in bandages. Edward didn't know how much time had passed but the nurse was soon back with a sandwich, some fruit and a drink for the small blond.

He ate with no protest as he watched her check on his brother. He turned away as she unwrapped and redressed some wounds before sliding the covers back over the younger Elric. Edward was still having trouble comprehending reality as the nurse sat beside him, cutting up the apple she'd brought.

"You are real, this is real, this is not a dream," She said softly, such words and conversations can snap people out of the beginning of dissociation.

This was what Edward needed as he looked to the sky and tried to dispel the emotional numbness he felt. _'Mother died in horror… she found out what that vile man did to me in her final moments,'_ the guilt filling his chest was near unbearable.

It was nearly a month before Alphonse awoke. It was just after eight and Edward was having a one sided argument with a bottle of milk when he heard a small mutter from beside him. He knocked over the bottle in his panic to get to Al's side as those light brown eyes opened.

"Brother?" Alphonse stared at the ceiling as he tried to collect his barely awake mind.

"AL! AL! I'M HERE!" Edward had tumbled out of the bed and hit the floor in his hurried attempt to get to his brother.

"Edward?!" Alphonse was trying to sit up but the cords held him down.

"Boys!" the nurse Edward had become aquatinted with entered the room to find two crying brothers, awkwardly trying to hug.

With some arguing, she got Edward up and into Alphonse's bed. Alphonse was choking on his tears. He was just as bad as his brother at accepting what had happened as his eyes stayed glued to the stumps where his elder brothers' limbs once were. Then came the news of their mother.

"A-And dad?" Alphonse seemed to be taking it better then Edward had.

Edward had actually never asked about his father, the thought had never crossed his mind as he looked to the nurse, "He checked out of here a week after the accident… signed you both over to the state,"

They brothers fell silent. They were alone together now. ' _Just me and big brother,'_ Alphonse looked down at his lap before Edward. The nurse left them be and the first thing Alphonse did was kiss his brother. Edward didn't protest, just closed his eyes and ran his hand over Al's cheek.

"You and me forever,"

* * *

 **A/N:** _Man I love writing this. So much sin. Alphonse is about to get all Yuno up in here so prepare yourselves._


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 3:**_ _Lovers  
_ ** _A/N:_** Thanks you very much to Arthur for the long phone calls helping me plan the next four chapters and many AU's hahaha let me bathe in your tears.  
RoyEd and EdVy ahead!

* * *

"Oh going out again tonight?" Alphonse honestly looked hurt as he watched Edward tie his hair in a high pony tail.

Edward nodded and let out a sigh. He wasn't going to a party sadly; he was going to Professor Mustang's office to finish his makeup assignment. The ass-face hadn't mentioned it had to be presented orally till he tried to hand it in today, so now he was stuck going back to the university at nine pm.

"I'll hopefully be back before twelve," Ed noted the near distressed look on Al's face, "I'm just going to finish some overdue work with Mustang,"

Alphonse visibly relaxed at that comment, _'What's up with him?'_ Edward thought as he grabbed his books and departed the dorm. Edward had been avoiding the parties he usually went to since his run in with Envy. He'd heard there had been an increase in members of the _Homunculi_ gang hanging around, trying to pull in more members.

"Stupid... jerk... dick face," Ed muttered insults directed at his professor as he entered the large university building and headed up stairs and down a hall towards Mustang's office.

"Come in," Edward heard a chair creak as he opened the door he'd knocked on.

Mustang was sitting at his desk, having spun around to face the door as Edward entered. No words were exchanged as Edward threw his bag onto the ground before Mustang's desk and pulled out his essay. Mustang reached for a grading paper and looked up at Edward.

"I expect you to explain things and not just read from the paper," Mustang stated as he filled in Edward details.

Edward tried not to grumble or let the insults he had for Mustang escape his lips. He tried his best to get the presentation over; he didn't care too much for grades. He just wanted to get out of there. He knew he should have smoked before he came because his skin was starting to crawl in all the wrong ways.

He was half way through now and trying real hard not to scratch his skin. He avoided eye contact with his Professor at all cost but the ass kept trying to make him look at him. Edward was trying not to grind his teeth at each 'tut' and sigh his Professor made.

"There done," Edward finished in a not so professional manner as he slammed the paper down on Mustang's desk.

Edward's eye twitched as he watched the usual smug expression of Mustang's return. Edward stood and waited for his professor to talk, well, he was more waiting for a snide remark or to be mocked. He wasn't sure how to react as Mustang stood up and walked to the couch he had in his office and patted beside him, gesturing he wanted Edward to sit down next to him.

"I need to talk to you about some series issues Edward," Roy smiled and his usual cocky nature dispelled.

Edward worried his lower lip as he sat beside Mustang. Roy looked at the boy and thought over the conversation he was just about to begin. He needed to step in. He'd been keeping an eye on Edward Elric since he came here, on request of the boys foster father and his personal close friend, Maes Hughes.

It didn't take Roy long to realise Edward was doing drugs and partying every night he could. Roy had done just about the same thing in college, just a little less extreme. Roy was taking it upon himself to become a father figure in Edwards life right now. He knew Hughes had tried to help but Edward kept going down his path of self-destruction.

"No need to panic," Mustang offered a comforting smile but Edward just frowned, "I want to help you straighten out your life,"

Edward's frown only deepened as he watched Roy, _'What is this bastard playing at?'_ Edward went to stand but Roy grabbed his hand and forced him to sit back down. There was a lot of intense glaring from the younger as Roy sighed.

"I've been keeping an eye on you as per request of Hughes," He began to explain, "I know your drug habit, your lifestyle, I want to help you out of this,"

"I don't need your damn help," Ed growled, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Elric please just listen to me," Roy placed a hand on Edward's shoulder, "You're not in trouble okay,"

Ed looked at the hand on his fake shoulder and felt his pulse quicken before looking up to meet his professor's eyes. It felt odd to see something other than a frown or a smirk, but a look of comfort and concern. _'Wait…. Is this jerk coming on to me?'_

"I can get you into some rehab group and I'm happy to pay for you to attend therapy," Roy continued as his hand moved from Edward's shoulder, to his bicep and gripped him lightly.

Edward stayed silent as he watched Mustang, _'He is, oh my god, he's coming onto me.'_ Edward's mind went a little numb as he listened to Roy and tried to work out his professors motives here. He wouldn't be the first professor Edward had more than a teacher/student relations with.

"So what do you think Edward?" Roy was worried as his eyes moved over Edwards face, looking for some sign that he was willing to be helped, "I'm just trying to help you,"

Roy dropped his hand to Edward's leg, and Edward swore that Mustang's eyes darted to his lips. Edward wasn't sure exactly what to do, _'What the hell is he playing at?'_ Edward thought and found himself looking at Mustang's lips also.

He wasn't really thinking as he leant in and pressed his lips to Mustang's. Edward was surprised to find his professor kissing back. He was even more surprised when he was shoved off and Mustang was wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"What the hell Elric," He panted, "I'm a married man,"

"You were the one hitting on me," Edward growled as he stood up and grabbed his bag, "Not to mention you fucking kissed back,"

* * *

He flicked his hair back before taking a long swig from the bottle in hand. _'That jerk,'_ Edward thought as he kicked a rock along the ally he was sulking in. _'Did I just fuck up? I kissed my professor of course I fucked up,'_ Edward slumped against a brick wall, _'but he was hitting on to me, right?'_

He'd been going over the event while trying to avoid the burning embarrassment of what he did. _'Oh fuck… he was actually just trying to help me… that fuck head,'_ His bottle of amber liquid was nearly finished as he stood up again, swaying violently.

"Oh shit it's nearly two am…" Ed noted as his phone's screen came into focus, "I promised Al I'd be home earlier,"

Alphonse had left a bunch of texts and Ed has missed three calls from him. He knew his little brother was probably worrying, if not panicking. Edward started to head back to the dorms but he didn't get very far before he was bent over, empting his stomach contents in the ally.

"Fuck it all," Edward coughed and tried to keep his hair out of the path of his vomit.

It was nearly an hour later that Edward found himself stumbling in the door and into Alphonse's arms. Al expressed his panic like usual and Edward found himself crying onto his younger brother's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Al," Ed sobbed, gripping the smaller tighter.

"Did something happen brother?" Alphonse held Edward's face and searched his brothers weeping eyes.

"N-no," Edward felt everything was stupid; there's no reason for him to be crying.

"Just sad?"

"Yeah,"

"It's okay big brother," Al was so glad Edward was seeking comfort in him, "I've got you,"

Alphonse led Edward to their bedroom and helped him into bed before getting him a glass of water. Edward asked Alphonse to stay with him for the moment and Alphonse gladly obliged. He lay down beside Edward and played with his hair, breathing in his brother's scent.

Edward pressed his back into Al's chest and relaxed. Alphonse thought his heart was going to burst as he fell into a fantasy. _'Big brother loves me too,'_ Al giggled as he buried his face in the back of Edward's neck, _'We're going to be like this forever because I love him,'_

Edward's breathing evened out and Alphonse waited till he was sure Edward was asleep before he started kissing at Edward's neck. He let his hands move under his brother's shirt and feel his chest. His hand drifted low and he teased at the top of Edward's pants, pressing his hand against his groin.

"If only you would do this with me," Al sighed and stopped violating his older brother, falling into a restless sleep.

* * *

"Excuse me," Edward grumbled as he pushed past people conversing and dancing.

He just wanted a drink, not to talk to anyone or be dragged upstairs. Once he'd finally acquired the desired beverage, Ed found himself hiding in a corner to drink it. It kept him out of everyone's eye sight, out of everyone's way. _'It's fun being on the sidelines some times,'_ He thought and looked around, _'You notice more,'_

Edward watched two girls flirting with a guy much older than they were. He watched as the jocks ran through yelling and screaming, pulling their clothes off and grabbing as much ass and tit as they could. Edward began to question his existence as he zoned out, listening to the awful music pounding out of the speakers.

"Sup shorty," Edward was knocked out of his thoughts as green hair was pushed into his face and a small ass rutted against his front, "Feel like having some fun?"

Envy looked over his shoulder and pulled his long hair out of Edward's face. He smirked and grabbed Edward's metal arm, trying to subdue the other by running his tongue over two cold, unfeeling fingers before placing the hand on his boney hip.

"Sure why the fuck not," Ed signed and finished the last of the beer he held.

It wasn't long before the pair were franticly pulling clothes off and putting their lips to as much skin as they could reach. Edward gasped as Envy suddenly had his lips around his hard cock. Ed leant back against the wall and ran his fingers through Envy's hair as the other bobbed his head till golden curls touched his nose.

"Ah fuck," Edward panted and locked eyes with Envy, biting his lower lip.

Envy pulled back, saliva dripping down his chin as his kissed from the tip to the base of Edward's length. Envy pressed his lips to the tip again, flicking his tongue out, pressing into the slit and relishing in the sounds it drew out of the blond as his tongue advanced to lick the underside of Edward's cock.

Edward swore, and gasped as he tugged at the hair fisted in his hand. He didn't think he could last much longer as Envy began deep throating him. Ed let a smile cross his face at the sound of choking as he bucked his hips forward, forcing more of his dick down Envy's throat.

"Asshole," Envy coughed as he pulled back.

Ed watched as the strand of saliva from Envy's lips to his cock dripped down. Envy took his time kissing up Edward's body, trying to push the tight pants further down the blond's hips. Edward grabbed the elder's face, pulling him in for a bruising kiss, grinding their bodies together.

"You got a wrapper?" Ed gasped as Envy started stroking his cock and kissing his neck.

"Ah fuck…." They shared a groan of frustration, "that means I can't fuck you doesn't it?"

"Correct," Ed grabbed Envy and pushed him back down on to his knees.

"You're such a prude," Envy said between kisses placed on the other's cock, "Ever thought of living on the wild side again?"

Edward let out a groan as Envy's lips slipped around the head of his length, sucking lightly, "Like hell, you're probably crawling with STD's,"

"That hurts my feelings pipsqueak," Envy gripped the base of Edward's dick tightly, moving his hand back and forth.

Edward near doubled over as he came into Envy's hand. He panted and pushed his sweaty hair back before hastily pulling his pants up and locating his shirt. Envy glared at him from the floor, his hand just itching to pull out the knife in his pocket.

"Asshole," Envy scoffed for the second time that night as Edward departed the room.

 _'I had no intentions to help him get off,'_ Edward pushed past people, _'What's the party drug of tonight I wonder.'_ Edward opened the door to the closest bathroom and the girls bent over the sink looked up from what they were snorting. There were no words exchanged as they gestured to the pile of power and Edward nodded.

* * *

"When was any of this going to be discussed with me?" Alphonse felt like he'd stopped breathing at this point.

"There is nothing to discuss about this," Edward turned and frowned at his little brother.

Edward moved from his drawers, back to his suitcase and folded the next shirt. This had been a decision him and Professor Mustang had come to agree on. Edward would go on an exchange trip to Germany for the next four months to try and help him out of his bad habits, and get him away from the crowds he was involved in.

"YOU LEAVE IN TWO DAYS AND YOU'RE ONLY TELLING ME NOW," Al thought his whole world was crashing down.

"Jesus Alphonse," Edward sat on his bed, looking at Al, "Why are you so pissed? It doesn't concern you,"

"Doesn't concern me? Of course it concerns me!"

"What the hell makes you say that?"

"Oh I don't know?! The fact that I'm your brother, the fact that you're deserting me for four months, what if something happens?" Al was crying as he leant on the door frame.

"I'm not deserting you Al," Ed was trying to keep a level head, "You'll be fine… I called Winry and she'll be staying with you while I'm gone,"

"OH SO YOU TALKED TO WINRY ABOUT THIS AND NOT ME?"

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO HERE AL," Edward couldn't keep his anger contained and he shot off the bed and was quickly in Al's face, "AM I MEANT TO JUST STAY HERE AND DO WHAT YOU WANT? I'M TRYING TO STRAIGHTEN MY LIFE OUT HERE,"

"I KNOW YOU ARE," Alphonse was sobbing as he leant away from his brother, "I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE WITHOUT YOU FOR SO LONG, I DON'T NEED WINRY TO LOOK AFTER ME EITHER,"

"Well she gets here tomorrow and I leave after that," Edward was trying his best to close this _discussion_ as well as the bedroom door.

"Brother-" Alphonse choked but the door was shut in his face.

Edward kicked the drawers that contained his clothing before falling on his bed. He grabbed a pillow and held it over his face, trying his best not to scream. _'You think I want to fucking go away?'_ He rolled to his side and looked around, _'I got caught up in the fucking gang again, and I'm willing to admit my drug habit has escalated…'_

Edward didn't mean for any of this to happen, hell he never meant for anything in his life to happen. Things just always went from bad to worse. He kept running into Envy everywhere he went and then he found himself waking up in the gang's _den_ after a night of 'putting his dick in it' _._ He'd mingled with them and people were saying he'd teamed up with the gang again but that was not the case.

He'd just gotten high and fucked around. He really shouldn't have. Then the same thing happened again, but with Greed. Edward barely believed it was him when he ran into him one night, but he soon found himself at the club Greed owned, having a private lap dance and finding out what had been going on in the underworld.

"Why don't you join me short stuff," Greed laid his head back as some girl kissed up his neck, "I could use someone like you,"

"Exactly," Edward managed to say though the alcohol, drugs and sex in his system, "you'll use me,"

After that it got around that Edward was double crossing the _Homunculi._ Edward didn't find out about this rumour till he was cornered and beaten in an ally one night. Alphonse had begged Ed to call the cops but of course Edward refused. He went to Mustang for help.

"So you can't tell me the kind of trouble you're in… but it's bad and you need help?" Roy looked over the paper he was grading, his eyebrow rising.

"Basically," Edward had no idea how else to put it.

"I could get you into a rehab?" Roy offered and he began to think of solutions.

"No," Edward knew there were gang members in the ones around here.

Roy looked at his desk and a green pamphlet caught his eye, "Exchange trip?"

"No- Actually…" They called Hughes not long after that and they arranged that Edward would go on an exchange trip to Germany in two months; in the meantime Edward needed to keep his head low.

That had meant no parties or drinking in allies for him. He was trying to ween himself off smoking too but withdrawal was hitting hard as Edward checked his stash to find this would be the last joint he'd be able to have before he left.

"Brother…" came a small sob from the door.

"What is it Al?" Edward didn't mean to sound annoyed but his response was spat out in a venomous tone.

Al slowly opened the door and crept in. He tried not to cough on the smoke in the room, he knew he shouldn't breathe it in as it messed with his medication but he needed to be with Edward right now. He lay next to Ed and looked at his brother in a pitiful manner.

"What?" Ed puffed smoke to the ceiling as he avoided eye contact.

Al didn't say anything. They laid in silence for hours, surrounded by smoke even after Edward had finished and disposed of the weed. Alphonse was trying to decipher his brothers motives and thoughts as the elder frowned at the lamp on the bedside table.

 _'Do you hate me? Is this because of me? You're not leaving me right? You'll call every day?'_ These questions circled Al's mind and he felt panic rising. He was shaking as he reached a hand out to Edward, touching his chest. The elder jumped and looked at his little brother, brow furrowed.

"What's wrong Al?"

"I love you brother,"

"I love you too Al,"

* * *

Alphonse was bouncing on his feet, a smile pasted on his face as he watched people enter the terminal. _'Brother's finally home!'_ he thought and waited for the familiar blond to come into view. Winry patted his arm and smiled at the younger.

"You've really missed him haven't you," She mused.

"Of course I have!" Alphonse sighed, "We've never been apart this long before,"

Then there he was. Alphonse ran straight as his brother, he didn't care about his joints protesting as he wrapped his arms around Edward and was welcomed by his hug being returned. Alphonse was sure nothing would ever break the smile on his face, and to see such a smile mirrored on Edwards face; he was sure his heart would burst.

"Oh brother, you're home!" Al was laughing he was so happy and Edward messed up his hair.

"Finally! We got delayed for a while," Edward looked over his shoulder and that's when Alphonse noticed the tall German.

Edward had explained that part of the exchange trip meant he would bring back a student to stay with them for four months also. Alphonse looked the stranger up and down, trying to work out if he liked him or not. He was tall and stick thin; he wore skinny jeans and a jumper over a button up shirt. His blue eyes were hidden behind thick framed glasses and his hair was virtually the same as Alphonse's just a light blond instead of dirty blond.

"Guten Tag," He said, his accent thick, "I'm Alfons Heiderich,"

"Yeah," Edward smiled fondly at the taller and Al knew that smile right away.

 _'Oh no… Oh no… Oh no…'_

"Al," Al was holding his breath at this point, "I'd like you to meet my boyfriend,"

 _'Oh no,'_

* * *

 **A/N:** Oh poor Alphonse… What ever will he do [[Sips lemonade like cool suburban mum]]  
This chapter kind of got long because I had no idea what to write. Sorry about that.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5:**_ _Home  
_ **A/N:** Time for some more angst back story I think. I watched sad movies and cried so I thought I'd put my emotionally crippling feelings into this.

* * *

The time after the brothers had left the hospital was difficult. As their father had signed them over and left them to the states disposal, they were shuffled from foster home to foster home, each one worse than the last. Alphonse was scared as they approached their sixth foster home in two years.

"Brother…" He whimpered and awkwardly tried to walk slowly with his crutches.

"It's going to be okay Al," But Ed knew that wasn't true.

Just seeing the house he knew that nothing was going to be okay while they stayed there. It was in a bad part of town. There was rubbish in the front yard, along with childrens toys and the garden had never been tended too. One of the front windows was smashed and the door looked as if it had been broken several times.

"Oh you must be the new ones," An older lady with fly away hair and barely any teeth answered the door.

She didn't let the state woman in, quickly signing the papers at the door. Edward led the way, a small suitcase in hand and a pack on his back contained everything the boys owned right now. Broken glass crunched beneath their feet, along with old food and clothing.

The house reeked of rotting objects and there was not a clean surface to be seen. Alphonse tried to cling to Edward as he struggled to move his crutches over the mess. As the brothers entered the back room they were met by a group of unclean, tired looking children.

"Fresh meat," The woman shoved Al out of her way and the small boy toppled over, "Don't damage them, they get me disability bonus,"

Edward moved quickly to catch his brother as the other children moved to take the suitcase. This was only the beginning of their misfortunes here. It was not long before the pair found themselves hungry, tired and in pain all the time.

Edward fought hard to keep Alphonse's pain medication but it didn't take long till there was none left; the lady and her husband sold any and all things they could. The only thing they did not sell, thank god, were the children. Edward and Alphonse lived their early teenage years in fear.

They shared a single mattress in the corner of an empty room. It was filthy like everything else but it was better than the floor. They had to fight for anything and scavenged what they could. They got one meal a days if they were lucky. Alphonse was always crying from the emotional and physical pain he felt.

"Oh brother…" He was distraught as he hands sort his elder brother.

"It's okay Al," Edward could barely walk as he entered their room, "It's not as bad as it looks,"

Beatings happened daily and regularly. Edward was usually the target of their foster father's frustrations and it appeared he'd taken to Ed with an empty beer bottle tonight. Blood dripped from Edward's face and arm as he collapsed into Al's arms.

"I'm fine…" Those two words were a mantra repeated every day between them; if they said it enough they might believe it.

The beatings they could take, but then the sexual abuse came into play. Everyone would think it was the father who would have, but no, it was the mother. The first time she came up behind fourteen year old Ed and put her hands down his pants, Edward had started crying and froze up.

"Daddy no," He whispered and weakly fought.

He didn't leave their room for days, vomiting and shaking every time Al tried to touch him. Then Alphonse was attacked. Al didn't know what to do as this woman dropped to her knees and did things with her mouth. Alphonse couldn't move even if he wanted to; the pain in his spine had gotten so bad he couldn't use his legs.

"Al… oh god Al…" Edward choked when he found out that night, "I'm meant to protect you and I wasn't there…"

"It's okay brother," Alphonse wasn't very assuring as he looked blankly at the ceiling, "I'm fine,"

Life got no better when school began at the end of summer. Alphonse was just starting to walk again; Edward had been getting him panadol tablets at the very least. Of course public school was difficult for the dirty cripples with no family. No one wanted to be near them, be friends with them.

They didn't mind, they only cared about protecting the other. Edward got into a punch up every few days, Alphonse hated the way people whispered behind his back, it was common for others to steal their belongings; their favourite was Alphonse's crutches.

"Brother… I hate this," Alphonse sobbed one night as he pressed as close as he could to his shivering brother.

"I know… I'm so sorry Al," Edward's teeth were chattering, "I wish I could do better… I'm sorry,"

The winter nights were the worst. The cold made their bodies ache, they couldn't sleep on these nights; all they could do was cry and desperately cling to the other. They made plans to end their lives on these nights, waiting for the moment to carry out these plans.

It was the day they decided to do it that Edward was pulled into the gang and things started to change. They were sure things would get better. Edward was able to get them clothing and food. They had places they could stay with running water and warm beds. Al really believed it might be okay now.

Then things went wrong. They were back where they had begun, just something had changed. They were drifting now and Alphonse didn't know how to handle this. _'Brother is leaving me… oh no… oh no… this can't happen,'_ Al thought as he watched his brother sleep, _'I'm never letting you leave me… never'_

* * *

 _'Germany… kind of pretty,'_ Edward thought as he looked out the window. It was night as the plane circled Munich again; the lights seemed to dance and there was a light dusting of snow around. Edward had not enjoyed his flight as he became aware of his fear of flying.

He was thankful to be on the ground again and departing the aircraft finally. He entered the terminal and looked around. He had exchanged emails with the family he'd be staying with and was told they would have a sign that read _Elric_ so he'd know it was them.

It took some time for the crowds of families and travellers to part, and Edward was able to get through. He soon spotted a large blue sign with _Elric_ written in large black letters. Edward felt nervous as he made his way slowly to the tall blond holding the sign, and a man Edward assumed was his father.

"Edward?" The boy asked; his accent made the corners of Edward's lips turn up.

"Hi," Ed shook their hands and they moved to baggage collection.

There were many awkward smiles and everyone spoke quietly as they shuffled through the crowds and eventually out to the car park. Edward was trying his best to be polite as he put his suitcase into the trunk of the small car. _'This shouldn't be so bad…'_

Edward sat in the back of the car and waited for a conversation to start but no such thing began. Ed was startled by his phone buzzing and quickly pulled it out. He sighed and swiped to answer the call.

"Hey Al," He sighed and looked out of the window, catching the taller blonds eye for a second before

"Hey brother!" Al had a hint of panic in his voice, "Was the flight okay? Did you find the family?"

"Yea everything went fine."

"I miss you."

"I know you do," Edward shifted in his seat, "I'll be home before you know it."

The conversation didn't last much longer and they were pulling up to an apartment building soon after. Edward stretched and yawned as he exited the car and looked around. It was cold and his breath came out in a white cloud as he grabbed his backpack and collected his case.

"Was that your brother?" the tall blond asked.

"Yeah," Ed smiled as they entered the building.

"I'm Alfons by the way,"

"Nice to meet you,"

* * *

Alphonse wasn't sure how he felt about his home life now. He was depressed because Edward wasn't there but Winry was doing her best to cheer him up and was always fussing over him. Since Winry hadn't wanted to move away from the country side she was doing her university studies through online courses; Alphonse admired her determination to work and learn.

They were often up late talking or studying together. Al found out Winry had a small obsession with video games and had aquatinted him with an Xbox and 3DS. She was frustrated to find Al was good at every game she challenged him to even though he'd never played any of them.

"What? You bet that boss in ten minutes?!" She exclaimed through a mouthful of noodles, "I spent three days on that level!"

Alphonse just smiled as he put the DS down and picked up his own cup of noodles. The first two weeks of living with Winry had felt like nothing more than a very long sleepover and Alphonse really wished she'd go home now. Though he guessed he enjoyed the company of a friend for once. Someone he could talk to about things.

"Soooo," Winry twisted her hair around and smiled, "Tell me about your love life young man,"

"Excuse me?" Al nearly choked on his noodles as he looked at her.

"Oh come on," She poked his nose, "I'm not gonna judge if you kiss and tell!"

"Well there's no kisses to tell about,"

"You're kidding right?" She looked slightly shocked, "you're 18, in college, and have no kisses or crushes?"

Al just looked at her and her smile turned devilish, "Oh so there is someone you like and you're waiting to kiss them,"

"What?" Al had no idea how she'd come to that conclusion but knew there was no hiding it, "Okay fine there is someone,"

"What's his name?"

"Who said it was a he?"

"Oh come on Al," She rolled her eyes, "I've known you since you were born… You do not have the eyes of a straight man,"

"What do my eyes have to do with my sexuality?" Winry was just laughing at his confusion.

"It's just an expression Ally; not to mention you nearly vomited when Suzie kissed you in grade three," They both laughed at the memory, "So tell me about this guy! Is he in your classes? How old is he? What colour are his eyes?"

Alphonse worried his lower lip for a while but the information was just desperate to burst out of him, "He's not in my classes sadly but he does go here. He's a year older than me… and his eyes," He paused to sigh, "they're like the sun and I could stare into them all day,"

"This guy sounds a dream Al,"

"Oh he is," Al reassured with a faraway expression.

Winry laughed lightly at him as she threw the empty cups out and put their forks in the sink. Alphonse watched her move around and knew she was up to something due to the smile plastered on her face. _'Is she going to try and work out who I like?'_

"Tell me more," She moved her chair right up close to Al and leant in.

"Ahhh well… He's got a really cute smile, though it's rare," Al thought about things he could say that wouldn't give it away about who he liked, "He doesn't like to talk about himself that much and spends a lot of time with bad crowds,"

"Awww so he's a good guy caught up in bad things?" Winry placed her hand on Al's leg and rubbed it lightly.

"Y-yeah," Al looked at the hand on his leg and then back up and Winry, she was leaning in closer.

"He's a real lucky guy to catch your eye," She winked and Alphonse knew she was flirting with him, she always chewed her lower lip and twirled her hair; it was something she used to do to Ed.

Alphonse felt his face heat up and quickly stood, gripping the table for support. Al muttered quickly about having a shower before he moved to the bedroom, collected his clothing and locked himself in the bathroom. He pulled his phone out and wasted no time in texting his brother.

[TEXT SENT 9:23PM] [ALPHONSE] _Ed, Winry is making me uncomfortable.  
_ [TEXT RECEIVED 9:52PM] [EDWARD] _What do you mean? What's going on?  
_ [TEXT SENT 9:53PM] [ALPHONSE] _She was touching my leg and kept leaning in. I didn't like it. I don't like it when people touch me brother. I want you to come home.  
_ [TEXT RECEIVED 9:55PM] [EDWARD] _Whoa Al calm down you're okay. Winry is our friend, she didn't mean anything by it. I can't come home yet, you know that Al. But I'll be home in just over a month okay? If anything happens tell me and I'll deal with her okay?_

Al tried to calm down like Edward told him. It had just been a touch and a small bit of flirting but it sent Alphonse into a panic. _'Brother is the only one who can touch me like that,'_ Al was shaking as he stripped off and stepped into the warm streams of the shower's water. He took a deep breath and tipped his head back, letting the water run over his face.

 _'Big brother is the only one I love,'_ Alphonse thought and began to think of Edward. His long hair falling around his face and down his back; how he looked without a shirt on after he worked out, all those toned muscles and sun kissed skin. Alphonse thought of putting his lips all over that skin, how Edward's voice would sound as Alphonse gripped his hard cock.

"Oh brother," Alphonse whispered as he wrapped his own fingers around his erection.

* * *

It was awkward at first. Edward had no idea what he was getting into but this time it was something he liked rather than the things he was usually caught up in. He was in love. Head over heels in love; and his feelings were returned. That's how he ended up where he was now.

In Alfons' bedroom, no one but them home. They sat on Alfons' bed and made out like a couple of high school kids, hands grazing over the others face. Edward held his fake hand to Alfons' cheek and the other rubbed his inner thigh lightly. He was testing the waters here.

Alfons was so nervous he was shaking, but every time Edward pulled away or asked if it was okay, Alfons told him not to stop. Edward usually had a policy that he didn't sleep with virgins but this was a virgin he wanted to sleep with, not to mention it felt like Edward's real first time. _'This is what it should have been for me… Not what I got,'_

Alfons was panting as he pulled back and helped Edward pull his shirt off over his head. There was a moment of tense eye contact before Alfons lent back in and began to desperately kiss Edward, letting his hands wander for the first time that night and Edward had to hold his breath for a moment.

"Are you sure about this," Edward asked for about the hundredth time as he was push down onto his back.

Alfons nodded and smiled as he undid his own shirt and slid it off. Edward was feeling nervous about having sex for the first time in his life. Alfons leant over Edward, touching their lips together. Edward could feel him shaking as he moved his hands down his sides and then up his back.

"I love you," Alfons whispered against Edward's lips.

Edward wasn't sure how to react as he looked up at Alfons who smiled down at him. He knew a few things of Edward's past and how hard those three words would be for Edward to hear and say. He wasn't going to pressure Edward into anything he didn't want to do; he simply began kissing the smaller blond's neck.

"I love you too Alfons," Edward said after a moment of lying still.

Things were getting emotional and Edward didn't know if he could handle it but the second his lips met Alfons' he knew he'd be fine. The kiss was sweet and sincere as Edward felt unsure hands unzip his jeans and a shaky breath against his lips.

"Take your time," Ed whispered as he threaded his fingers through Alfons' hair.

Alfons really did take his time as his hands and lips explored and Edward was breathless as his jeans were pulled down from his hips. With a bit of shifting and blush stained faces the pair were soon in their underwear and hesitantly watching each other.

"I've never been this nervous about having sex," Edward whispered and checked to make sure there was lube and a condom on the bedside table.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," Alfons was red right to the tip of his ears.

"I want to do this Fons," Ed smiled and pulled the German in for a kiss, moving one hand through his blond locks and the other down his chest till he rubbed against his groin.

Alfons moaned softly as they broke the kiss and pressed their foreheads together. Edward carefully played with the hairs at the nape of Alfons' neck as he reached into the taller's briefs. Alfons gasped as Edward wrapped his hand around his member, closing his eyes and moving to rest his head on Edward's shoulder.

Edward moved his hand slowly, watching Alfons and smiling as the other moaned into his neck. They'd touched and rutted against each other before but it was different this time because they knew they'd be going further. Alfons stopped Edward's hand and moved back too remove his underwear.

He watched Edward as the elder looked the blond up and down, they'd never been fully naked in front of the other and it was an exhilarating feeling. Edward followed suit and they returned to sitting across from the other, waiting for some sign as to what they did next. Edward couldn't believe he was actually blushing as Alfons laid him down and kissed his chest.

Edward reached for the lube and put it into Alfons' hand. The German looked to Edward and simply nodded as he looked down the smaller's body. Edward inhaled sharply as lips moved down his chest, followed by soft hands. He gasped and arched up as those lips kissed the head of his erection before a wet tongue licked down to the base and back up. Then there were cold fingers circling his entrance, willing him to relax.

"I'm okay," Edward reassured, he knew how nervous and scared Alfons was about hurting him.

Alfons soon took charge with that reassurance. It was awkward and uncomfortable at first, Alfons moved slowly and always waited for the okay before doing anything, but things soon heated up as Alfons had three fingers inside Ed. Alfons pushed his fingers deep inside Edward and Edward moaned loudly as he rocked his hips against the thrust of Alfons' hand.

"More," Edward gasped, desperate to feel more now.

There was whine of frustration as Alfons removed his fingers and moved up to kiss Edward. Ed was losing himself to the pleasure. It felt so good to be touched by someone he actually loved for once. To have them love him back.

Alfons had moved away and was now rolling the rubber down his length. Edward watched and shuddered at the visual, _'We're doing this… This is really happening… god it feels good,'_ He thought as he wrapped his arms around Alfons' neck and waited.

The head of Alfons' cock pressed into Edward, the smaller gasped and Alfons groaned. He was panting as he slid in slowly, trying not to just slam right in. Alfons muttered curses in German and lay on Edward's chest.

"How is it," Edward breathed out as he gripped Alfons' hair and spread his legs wider so the other could fit comfortably against him.

"It's so tight… and hot," Alfons made small sounds as he rolled his hips forward, causing Edward to gasp again.

Their pace was slow and heated as Alfons moved his hips back and forth. For the first time in his whole life, Edward felt like he was making love and not just fucking. He didn't move much nor did he feel he needed to, he just held Alfons close and let out quite sounds against the younger's lips.

"It feels so good," Alfons moaned as his thrusts got harder till there were the sounds of skin slapping against skin.

Edward nodded as Alfons gripped his hips and moved back from the embrace, his eyes trailed on where their bodies connected. He pulled Ed into his thrusts, an 'ah' passing his lips each time Edward was bought back down on his length. Edward wrapped a hand around his erection and moved in time with the thrusts.

"Oh god," Alfons movements got desperate and jerky.

Then things stopped, but not for the reason Edward wanted them to stop for. His breath was shaking as he put both his hands over his face. Tears were free falling, and before he knew it, Edward was sobbing into his hands.

"Edward? What's wrong?" Alfons sounded panicked as he tried to get Edward to take his hands off his face.

"I'm fine," Edward choked out, "I promise I'm fine… please keep going,"

Alfons laid his head against Edward's collar bone, listening to the others sobs before he started to move again. He noticed how Edward's legs were trembling now, his thighs completely quivering. Alfons didn't know if it was from pleasure or fear as he finally got Edward to take his arms away from his face.

"It's fine Fons," Ed whispered, "Sometimes people cry during sex… it's normal,"

Edward began moving with Alfons, trying to reach that blissful end. It didn't take Alfons much longer before he cried out and jerked his hips in a sharp motion. Edward panted underneath him, moving a hand over his own cock before he finished.

Alfons held himself up and looked down at Edward. Edward's hair was spread out on the pillows, tears and sweat rolling down his face, cum spattered up his rapidly rising and falling chest now. Edward leant up and conveyed every hidden secret and feeling with a single kiss. He couldn't say what he was feeling or the things he thought. Not to Alfons.

* * *

 **A/N:** ahhhhhh well um here ? ! I have no idea someone save me from hell


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